Three perspectives on Santa Claus

The inner workings of the North Pole:

Of course, the elves are the backbone of Santa’s work force. It’s never clear to me that they are happy workers.
I hear occasional rumors that the elves have tried to organize a union, only to be thwarted by the man in red.
I’m not even sure Santa pays the elves, and they seem to live on site.
The North Pole is a company town. How jolly is that for those paid in Santa scrip?

If I Were Santa’s Public Relations Guy…:

For such a high-profile, influential figurehead, Santa’s PR could really use some work. I mean, the merchandising is pretty neat but there’s a lot more potential there.
So… here’s what I’d suggest if I were running Santa’s communications.

Santa Claus is for parents:

I’m not a parent, and it’s not my place to say one way or another if you choose to engage in what is a relatively harmless tradition. But I do think that I’d like the whole thing a lot more if people quit spinning self-serving tales about how Santa is there for the kiddies. I realize that parental sadism is not P.C., and so in order to engage in it, parents have to convince themselves and others that it’s for the kids’ own good. But I say fuck that. Parents wipe asses, give time-outs, worry about nutrition, lose sleep, and get kid germs. Parents deserve a little payback. Santa may not be great for kids, but it’s great for parents, and that’s reason enough in my eyes. Just so long as the parents admit it. Not everything in this world has to be for the children, and people who think that everything in the entire world should be sculpted around the raising of children to be good people are, at best, tedious bores and many of them run the risk of writing tedious letters to the FCC because Bono said “fuck” at the Grammys. Perhaps having a little fun with the kids at the expense of the child’s credulity isn’t the worst thing in the world. What’s bothersome to me is playing it off as something it’s not.

2 responses to “Three perspectives on Santa Claus

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